Why Didn't Anyone Tell Me? Navigating Postpartum Anxiety & Intrusive Thoughts

They said I'd be tired, sore, and emotional—but no one warned me about the mental spirals. Here's how I found my way through.

No one mentioned that the hardest part wouldn't be the sleep deprivation or physical recovery—but the mental weight I'd carry every single day. As I sat in the nursery, rocking my baby in the soft blue light of early morning, a thought flashed through my mind—dark, disturbing, and completely out of character. It vanished in a second, but the shame stayed. My chest tightened, and I asked myself, "What is wrong with me?"

The truth is: nothing. But in that moment, I didn't know that. I thought I was losing my grip. I didn't know that what I was experiencing had a name—postpartum anxiety and intrusive thoughts—or that it was something many new mothers quietly endure. And I certainly didn't know how common, treatable, and normal it could be within the messy, beautiful postpartum experience. That silence around these symptoms? That's what we're breaking here.

What Are Intrusive Thoughts, Really?

Let's get clear: intrusive thoughts are unwanted, involuntary thoughts, images, or impulses that are often distressing and inconsistent with your actual intentions or character. For new moms, these can take the form of graphic or fearful images of something happening to your baby, thoughts of accidentally hurting them, or irrational fears about safety.

These thoughts don't come from malice—they come from hypervigilance, fear, fatigue, and a brain in survival mode. In fact, research shows that 70–90% of new moms experience some form of intrusive thoughts in the postpartum period. But most never speak of them, fearing judgment or misunderstanding.

What Causes These Thoughts? A Perfect Storm of Factors

Your brain just did something miraculous—grew and birthed a whole new human. Now, it's being flooded with hormones, wired for protection, and wired against sleep and rest. That combination primes the mind for overthinking, anxiety, and fear-based patterning.

Here are a few contributing factors:

• Hormonal upheaval (especially sharp drops in estrogen and progesterone)
• Sleep deprivation, which impacts emotional regulation
• Increased sense of responsibility and fear of harm
• Social isolation or lack of village support
• History of anxiety, OCD, or trauma

These aren't signs of weakness. They're signs your brain is trying to cope and protect—just in a way that's gone a little haywire.

You Are Not Your Thoughts

This is the most important truth: having an intrusive thought does not mean you want it to happen. In fact, the more disturbing or upsetting it is to you, the more it reflects your love, not your danger. The fact that you're distressed by it? That's a healthy sign of your values and intentions.

Postpartum anxiety often shows up in these spirals:

• "What if I drop the baby?"
• "What if I forget her in the car?"
• "What if I do something terrible and can't stop myself?"

These thoughts are scary—but they are not a reflection of your character. They're intrusions, not intentions.

Grounded, Evidence-Based Tools That Can Help

Healing starts with awareness, but it deepens with action. These tools are rooted in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), somatic grounding, and mindful self-compassion. They're not quick fixes, but they work, especially when used with consistency.

1. Label It, Don't Fear It

When the thought comes, practice labeling it calmly:

"That was an intrusive thought. I do not need to act on it. It is not who I am."

Naming it activates your prefrontal cortex—the rational, adult part of your brain. This creates space between you and the thought.

2. Use the 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique

Engage your senses to pull yourself back into your body:

• 5 things you can see
• 4 things you can touch
• 3 things you can hear
• 2 things you can smell
• 1 thing you can taste

This is especially helpful during nighttime spirals or high-anxiety moments.

3. Write the Thought Down, Then Reframe It

Journaling can help externalize the fear. Try a page where you write the intrusive thought, then directly underneath, reframe it with truth and compassion.

"I had a thought that something bad might happen. That doesn't mean it will. I am a good, caring parent doing my best."

4. Create a "Calm Anchor" Phrase

Choose a grounding mantra to repeat when anxiety strikes:

• "I am safe. My baby is safe."
• "This is fear, not fact."
• "Thoughts are not actions."

Say it aloud. Feel it in your breath. Let it slow you down.

5. Connect with Safe Support

This might mean opening up to a therapist, a partner, a postpartum doula, or even a close friend. Often, saying "I've been having scary thoughts and I don't know why" is the first step to realizing you're not alone—and you're not unsafe.

When to Seek Additional Help

Intrusive thoughts that become persistent, graphic, or interfere with daily function may be a sign of postpartum OCD or severe anxiety. That's not a failure—it's a flag that it's time for professional support.

Here's when to check in with a perinatal therapist or healthcare provider:

• You feel unable to sleep or eat because of fear
• You experience compulsive behaviors (checking, avoiding, repeating)
• You feel detached or emotionally numb
• The thoughts become more frequent and harder to manage
• You're afraid of being left alone with your baby

There is help. There is healing. You don't need to push through alone.

Holistic Practices to Nourish Mental Resilience

In addition to therapy and grounding work, consider gentle, holistic ways to support your nervous system:

• Magnesium-rich foods (like leafy greens and nuts) for calming the body
• Herbal teas (chamomile, lemon balm, motherwort) to soothe anxiety
• Daily sunlight and light movement—even 10 minutes outside can reset your circadian rhythm
• Mindful breathwork, such as box breathing (inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4)

These aren't cures—but they remind your body it's safe. And from safety comes clarity.

You Know Best—Even When It Feels Like You Don't

I wish more of us were told that postpartum doesn't always look like soft-focus photos and sleepy baby snuggles. Sometimes, it looks like crying in the shower, repeating the same thought until it terrifies you, and wondering if you're the only one.

But you're not the only one.

You are not broken.

You are not your thoughts.

You are in transition—becoming someone new, not just as a mother, but as a whole person. And like any transformation, it gets messy before it gets beautiful.

Trust yourself. Trust your instincts. And know this: there is nothing wrong with needing help. In fact, asking for it is one of the most motherly things you can do.

You are whole, even in pieces. You are doing enough. You are enough.

Let's keep this conversation going—for ourselves, and for the mothers who will come after us.

💛 Share this with a mama who needs to know she's not alone.